BIKE – a short story by Eric Carney – See it on GOODREADS

Bike by Eric Carney

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

It’s an 11 paged blow to the gut causing you to reach for your nearest child or pet—exactly what a short story is suppose to deliver. Eric Carney dips his quill into the mud puddles in the rainstorm and wreaks havoc with your emotions. Everyday items and moments remembered from our own past become riddled with darkness only imagined in our nightmares. I used to love the idea of handing down my son’s old Spiderman pyjamas to his son, but this story has ruined that dream forever.

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This is my review of the trailer on Amazon -” I can only review from what I saw from the April 17th trailer… since October’s pilot was removed and since the 24 reviews are mainly from people complaining about the 12 second COMING SOON AD, so truthfully people stop reviewing and Amazon REMOVE the bloody link that says there is a pilot there. (I watched the pilot way back when I swear but have no recollection.. I think.. or .. maybe I did not so I am ….. not going to say a thing) BUT from the trailer  it’s OK. Its funny, nothing special YET, nothing BAD, nothing OUTSTANDING, sure! NOT the original cast, but I mean COME ON do you guys REALLY think Woody Harrelson is going to go back to TV, on Amazon for that matter, after years of being the stoooooopid idiot on Cheers after his success on the silver screen to play a KICK BUTT zombie killing side kick? And Jesse Eisenberg,after being in “The Newsroom” “Rio” “30 Minutes or Less” etc would do a ONLY ON AMAZON show?? and the OMG HOT Emma Stone??? Who was already a cult classic geek babe fanboy pinup girl with “Superbad” and is a regular in Robot Chicken.. you guys are high! PLUS she has jumped the fence and is is is in the the big sandboxes with the big boys. 2011 she was in Oscar award winning “The Help” and is currently filming the next amazing film by Alejandro González Iñárritu, “Birdman” She has moved on to films with Auteurs! Because Alejandro is amazing, funny enough though, a trilogy of some of his most influential films have themes of death (wicked grin) We own a lot of his stuff before he came to Hollywood… anyway back to the trailer for the pilot.

I will be watching this puppy because I am a fan of anything and everything zombie! AND I love the premise of the original movie AND!!!! I think that the Zombieland franchise would not have given it to Amazon, or sold if they did not think the concept pitched was going to be screwed up royally. I believe it was delayed because there were problems. I am glad it was delayed and not thrown up and bad! Like a good gaming girl knows, it is better to wait for a game then to get it all buggy and have to wait for patches, this is even more true for a TV show.. so get off your high horses oh one star reviewers of 12 seconds of advertising.. how in Hades can you write 20 words or on 12 seconds of a screen flashing COMING SOON is BEYOND me… keep your panties on!”

IT IS NOT AVAILABLE (the pilot) despite what other news sources are stating, so again KEEP YOUR PANTIES ON!!

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“Live is not a matter of holding good cardsm, but of playing a poor hand well”

 ~ Robert Louise Stevenson

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Sometimes an erotic story is not an erotic story, at least how we think of as one of ‘those’ stories. This is definitely one of them, no actual peeking under anyone skirts, no actual bow-chicka-wah-wah… This story is reminiscent of elegant and classic Gothic romances. Though labeled as Lesbian Fantasy, it is a story about learning to love and to accept that some people’s truths will never be your own and embracing yours as not only acceptable but truth. It is simply a stunning short story.

Again, the story is not just romance, or erotica, it is not masturbatory material under the waste line but above the nose in the frontal lobe. It is a beautiful and dark story about breaking through what one believes and accepting what is on one’s heart.

Heart wrenching, heart warming and beautifully written. A Witch Sea is a lyrical piece full of complex and wonderful allegory with a dark hidden treasure within the foam coating the edges of the driftwood on a beach full of common seaweed.

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What if the one you were trying to protect was too little to protect themselves in any way? What if you were their only protection in a Zombie Infested world? What if you… were bitten? What if the greatest threat to the one you cared most about, was you?

A new indie-short called “Cargo” explores all this and more in a brief but gripping 7 minutes.

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My rating: 5 of 5 stars

THIS BOOK IS OMG awesome!

ANYWAY… WARNING, I use the F-word four times (which I thought I was restraining myself) and ASS twice.. but I don’t think one of them counts, and a couple of the FUCKS were wonderful alterations according to my friends.. so I am down with it! CARRY ON!

F is for a frightening experience (and the F-word)

This review rated M for mature as in Facebook said I swear more than 89% of all my friends. I am making sure I live up to their assessment in this review, and I promise, like Catch-22, it needs to be in here. I am still going “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot what did I just finish reading? WAIT not reading EXPERIENCING?!” Now, I am going to do something different, I am going to rate it first…

Five hundred million Bottles of Awesomesauce – there is nothing more, not even bacon at this point
If language offends you … I really wanted to apologize ahead of time but I can’t! I tried to write this straight, but I can’t! I am still dealing with dropped jaw syndrome! So…*shrugging shoulders* this book would probably not be something you could handle if the occasional fuck bothered you anyway. It takes balls to take this book on! And I know a lot of you have them, so strap them on ladies and hitch them up, gentlemen and take it on, you will NOT be disappointed. Do not eat before you read, hug your children and be happy with your decision to breed and enter a world that extrapolates to the extreme ‘WHAT IF” and, what the fuck! and most importantly? Be careful what you wish for, sometimes someone really can grant your wishes, even if you didn’t mean it!

Ever read one of those books that sticks to you brain pan like duct tape on a shaved cats ass.. oh wait that may not mean something to all of you ummm OK that sticks like extra strength duct tape, let’s leave it at that! It is the foundation for a myriad of messed up bad dreams and unsettled sleep for the last week. I am deeply and quite deliciously disturbed by this. It has darkness in it, it oozes and gushes epically awesome frightening darkness. All manner of messed up people live in this town where  our protagonist Will now lives. And he is in charge of cleaning up behind their worthless lives.

He has a f-ed up but necessary job, he is a human remains removal expert. Car accidents, decomposing bodies stuck to their E-Z chairs… its.. fragrant and ripe with festive insanity. But the bodies are not there just what is left behind. We all wonder what kind of mark we will make in this world and I do not think any of you imagine it will be the puddle of decomp jelly where your fat ass fell asleep watching Jeopardy and stuffing Ho-hos in your gullet. Or spread across the scene that can be hosed away on the interstate. Give up your dreams and forget about clean underwear because it won’t matter at this point.

NOTHING I have read can compare to this except maybe the Story of the Eye by Georges Bataille. Georges may have a 21th century brainchild in Caleb J. Ross and Georges is called the “metaphysician of evil,” specializing in blasphemy, profanation, and horror.”

Throughout all of this Will is dealing with a pregnant fiance whom he is trying to convince to be rid of the child of before term or if at term to give up. It is full deep imbibing metaphors to immerse your psyche in. It has dark, cruel comedy, he is pretty much a top-notch prick to his fiance and shes obsessed with the belief everything he does and comes in contact with is a health risk to the unborn child. The cleaning supplies he uses coats his clothes, the cigarettes he chain smokes, now outside for her. Well for him, because he does not want to deal with her complaining. I haven’t read a book like this, ever!

Yet, just when I hate this guy, just when I start climbing on my fancy feminist fuck-off wagon? He does something showing heart. He feels bad.. he doesn’t talk about what he has to do or what his cleanup will be. He convinces himself it is because he doesn’t want to deal with her wrath but there is a part of him that is soft enough to remember why they are together. At least that is my warm fuzzy place I have to think about so when he lights a bird on fire and I am right back on the feminist fuck-off  wagon I do not pull both guns.

My mouth is still hanging open when I think back on what I read. There is one scene that will forever be burnt into my soul, wait a lot more than one..but the first really horrific scene is a house which has a perfectly maintained lawn in a neighborhood of perfectly maintained lawns and houses, but this house? It is falling to pieces like a forgotten and neglected elderly family member. There was so many symbols seeping from pipes and filling up the basement. Melville would have had a field day with the symbolic iconography in just the kitchen alone. I.. I… I want to tell you so much but I am afraid if I do you would miss out on the shock, which like my swear words is necessary   Oh Em Gee try it for yourself, seriously! *mouth hangs open, head shakes, looks at the cat and whispers…” Seriously Asrielle, maybe I better take the squirrel in residence some folks may come after me but then again some folks may be sending me pounds and pounds of bacon!”

Now, I have to leave you here. I probably could go on another 1ooo words because I have not even gone back over in my brain what happens a bit before you hit the halfway mark, or the playing catch with one of the short-bus kids and a decomposing racoon. (do not even go there, there is no way I can be politically correct while trying to explain this. Plus, the short-bus kid? He captures the heart of Will along with me!) Just trust me. Oh and I did not mention the twisted idea of a fairy godmother who leads all this merry mayhem. I would choose her as a fairy godmother mind you she is more like Satan’s spawn of a godmother!

I recieved this book as part of a Novel Publicity Tour for a fair and honest review. I do not think it gets more honest than this… I then went and bought it for five of my friends and demanded under pain of death to read or I would send the ninja squirrel assassin, Fred, to their house..

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Breathe in Autumn
An Awakening
An Outback Lament
Sarah’s Story
The Presentation
Timmy’s Escape
Amy
Heart of an Angel
Climbing Everest

Reading the list if the eight selected stories for Ms. Lister’s flash fiction anthology had me pondering at what maid between. The cover alluding to just one of the dark spaces which lie there and perhaps within our own sub-concious, nightmares and; for some, memories we’ve chosen to leave in the dark.

Dionne caught me unaware from start to finish. The strong thematic choices in her line up appear to have you climbing up out of darkness to reach the summit if light. But as with most suspense in shorts such as these the small twists and turns will have you going sideways and even tripping you back into the corner before moving you forward to the next.

Flash fiction is a challenging exercise in creativity. For many writers it is just a tool to keep us writing, the tips of our pens sharp. Rarely can we put together such solid prose into any semblance of theme. Not only has she done just this but she leaves you wanting for more.

The only reason I did not give it a five was perhaps my poet within wanting to swap a few around and two stories did not have as powerful of a punch compared to the rest.

Breathe in Autumn dusted off a nightmare. Outback Lament brought me back to my roaming in the hill country. Timmy’s Escape is reminiscent of tales told to innocent ears around campfires and Amy leaves your mouth open in the “oooohhh” position.

Take a chance, shine a lantern over in this dark place and go grab the perfect quick read and taste of the authors expansive talent. She’s well known to many for her young adult fantasty but these will show you another side and leave you want for more.

View all my reviews

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I want to rush out right now and buy this for my discerning reader and petulant twelve-year-old my wonderful 12 year-old son Liam.

This is a child who is reading at college level and has been since he was 9. It is a constant struggle keeping him in books because it seems these days so many series skip from first chapter books and fly right through the Wonder Years, right past GO and forget the not all the boys play sports or video games, some of these boys read. There are only so many times a child can read Harry Potter or the Warrior Cat Series. Sure, there are books out there written for boys, but as I said, discerning… book snob.. petulant? With such a small pile to choose from, plus being über picky when it comes to what he reads. He read Anchihiiroo – Origin of an Antihero (Toonopolis Shorts, #1) by J.Rodden and though he said it was to short (umm yes Liam, it is a short story) he liked it, in fact he gave it five moose poo’s! (which is a five-star rating in any 12-year old boys mind because at this age forget about bow ties, moose poo is cool), but he was not interested in reading anything else in the series. He needs meat on his bones, he is not Henry Jones (oh and BTW never teach your children old Choir songs you sang when you were in school, especially jazz ones. This is one of his favorite to sing when he decides he does not want to eat what is for dinner or is in the shower or just plain old in high-speed monkey-doodle mode tunes and .. OK maybe you should because it is hilarious every time I hear him sing it!)

Having said and shared all of that, he is also a child who read Ender’s Game, (over one weekend mind you, he would not put it down even when eating, and glared if we even suggested it.) got all hyper, jumped up and down and did a fist pump and a tiny bit of jazz hand action, turned around three times and said with open arms, dropping to his knees (I am not exaggerating here, and yes obviously this is my child) and clasped his hands in front of his chest giving me his best begging for it look and said

“More… mother dear, give me MORE!”
To which I promptly and with aplomb gave him Speaker for the Dead to which he replied with one raised eyebrow, “Hmmmm? Mom, ummm the dead don’t talk, this is not like that stupid movie is it?” OK so he gets to watch weird and bad movies with me, but let us get to the point, the second in the Ender series was just to old for him subject wise, even the title had him going “meh” He got about a third of the way through and set it aside. When I asked him about it he shrugged his shoulders and said, “I just don’t get Ender’s new gig anymore, he is to old for me. I will finish it later.” As in, he will pick it up in a few years and get it. His brother, who is going to be 23 did the same thing at about the same age and at 14 finished the series and re-read it several times. My point is, where are the wonderful books I remember reading as a petulant discerning book snob of 12? We had them in spades! But I was girl…wait I still am I think but I digress. Sure there are the classics, and Liam has read them all. He has a beautiful collection of leather-bound books he has read over and over, especially Tale of Two Cities and Treasure Island.

Deception Peak is a book that will be part of his Christmas pile of plunder this year. This child is going to adore it and the series will be in his favorite pile. He still has typical tendencies of regular 12-year olds, loves video games – (the child is also scary good at them because of his dexterity level. Did you know that dexterity is directly linked to your comprehension and reading skills as a child. Seriously go google it) tells bathroom flavored humor like a pro, and likes to ride his bike over homemade ramps. This book is written at just the perfect pace for a kids his age to stay intrigued and hooked, it does not get muddled down with details, it keeps you holding your breath at the right moments and reads like a classic fantasy. The story structure for the fantasy aspect is somewhat like one of those good old fashioned RPG games on the computer. Liam loves those games and will get all the video game innuendoes and subtleties veiling a very hard lesson being taught for not only the child protagonist, Ian in the story, but also his father Alex. I would highly recommend this book to single fathers to read along with their sons. I get goose bumps when I think of some of the haunting songs the author uses as story breaks throughout the tale.

“Brave on little soldier, brave into the night
Your journeys before you, your song’s in the light
For many you seek and many you save
Though darkness surrounds you, and powers are great
Though night overcomes the sweetness of day
Brave on through despair, Press on in the fight
The tunnel of grieving, imprisoned by might
The worst will be over and darkness will ebb
You will aft find your way, and wake up in your bed”
pgs. 55-56 — Deception Peak -Dianne Lynne Gardner ©2012

Ian is a child I did not really like at first, yes he is a teenager and yes he has had it hard. His mother died and it seems as if his father was barely hanging by a thread he was so wrapped up in his grief. He is a bit, but he was not the kid in school that is always picked on, but just a smart kid that mouthed off, had a flippant attitude and drew beautifully rendered swords in the corners of his in textbooks. Yep, typical geek behavior I would have to say. His father ran a foundry and made medieval armory, he also was a video game designer. It seems to me this was a project which i to be for both of them, Ian is very artistic (text-book – drawing of swords yada yada?). What more could a boy want? Yet he is typical in the fact some of it is taken a bit for granted. Not a totally typical teenager, he has an obvious deep and abiding love and respect for his father, but is continually having inner dialogues questioning his fathers actions. This turns out to be another great story device making it so appropriate and one that should be used in a classroom setting for reading. It really is written with such intelligent and incredibly woven seamless segues. Oh if she was an SCA’er she would be in the Order of the Winged Harp where all great Bards reside!

Right from the start of Deception Peak, you can see there is a lot of love between father and son, but there is also a sense of distance. There is more talking at each other instead of to each other, almost going through the motions, wanting to connect and needing too but never actually making it. The novel starts off with a dream of Ian’s. It is a perfect prologue for what is to come in this awesome tale. But what happens in the next chapter was a complete surprise to me! I was totally taken back by his father’s irresponsible and child-like actions. If it were Ian it would be understandable, being it would have been the actions of a reckless youth. But for a father to thrust his son into this world which started off as rendering a 3D portal engine as a project for father and son, to exploring a world literally within a computer, or at least the computer program created a “portal” to this world, or …. a “window” (I had to giggle a lot when I read this and tittered a bit more when I read it glowed blue, Liam is going to think this is SO cool! He is a Windows™ man!), had my head spinning a bit. I ended up going back and re-reading the first three chapters and felt a bit better about it. Though, that was me, don’t take that as a ding, my brain was not functioning to clearly, I think I fell asleep mid-chapter on that one, anyway moving along.

With trepidation on Ian’s part, and having nightmares or weird prophetic dreams with more quest like songs being song in the air when he is awake and asleep, they enter the portal and begin to explore a little more each day. They even find horses and ride being able to explore more and more. Ian is still not sure what to think of all of this. (oh and by this point I really could not put it down. If I had not been feeling off physically and falling asleep in my book all the time, which is cool with books like this because I just keep going in my own version). The real action starts when Alex decides they are going camping for the weekend, and not just a few hours. By this time, the learn from one of the characters Ian ever rendered while beginning the video game project, there is a dragon (Yes Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dave there is a Dragon!). A big, bad scary dragon, and Ian? He does not want anything to do with it. Smart lad as it turns out. His father? Not so much so… To go any further would be doing spoilers, and you all know me, Sweeties, I do not do spoilers.

Parents of boys, and of adventurous girls of the age range from 12 up, because let’s face it I loved the story. Yes it is YA and it is not written for me. This is not a book written for soccer mom’s and labeled young-adult fiction, this is a book for kids of middle school and up who want a good hearty fantasy read. Who like meat on their bones and want dragons, and swords and quests,

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This is the second in the series, but as is with most of these types of mystery series you will not have to read the first to get what is going on. Sure you miss the initial contact, that first time the bat hits the ball, but the commentator from the press box who is doing his job well will make sure you are up to speed with this seasons progress of the players as they start rolling in. Jen Estes is pretty masterful in this, I had no clue this was a second in the series, I thought perhaps there maybe a novella or a short story she wrote where I could learn about how she took down a baseball empire in Vegas, but really didn’t care because the story started with a home run and kept going from there. The other team? The ones filled with the players with poor editing, and bad grammar use and the jerk who always yells out the obvious clues and spoils it for me? Ohhh I had a feeling from the first this was going to be a grand slam for the home team and I was rooting! Oh ya! *shoving Apple Pie in my craw* and despite the heat of the Santa Domingo and the hot sexy distractions of some of those players, there is no distracting me from trying to solve the mystery before the end.

I loved the book there are not if’s ands or buts (ok there are the aforementioned baseball players buts, but I think you get where I am going). I absolutely love all the characters, including Aiken’s spoiled brat of a daughter who only seems to be a blithering idiot (ok maybe she is a teensy weensy bit of a vapid cow). Cat, our protagonist, is immediately likable. Her sassy border line snarky… oh heck let’s not be diplomatic about it, she has snark down to a science in this book, both inner dialogues and outer! She fits the perfect amateur sleuth requirement for a cozy. Well maybe a bit less of an amateur because she is an investigative reporter who specializes in exposes, but she is still no cop or private detective and she is not meant to solve all the mysteries which crop up surrounding the main one, some are down right dangerous!

Roger Aiken, the owner of the Buffalo Soldier franchise, is played as aloof to us and untouchable as he seems to be to his daughter Paige Party-girl and Prankster, Paige, (yes the vapid cow), is fashionable to a level that threatens her wearing a neon designer label around her head in the shape of a tiara (oh wait I bet she has one from some fashion runway show that was in their swag bag). Unfortunately for Cat, she suffers from ”ME” Syndrome which unfortunately, again, for Cat means the overpowering stench of Chanel No.5 seeps into everything she is around, unable to wash away even with heavy cleanser and bleach. Her application of a life time of all of this has allowed her above and beyond in her obtaining of a PhD in Spoiled Rich Girl.

The rest of the cast, Chase, whose smile shines a bit to brightly with empty promises and dangerous use of a good meal. Junior, a couch and someone from both Paige and Cat’s past and whose hips need to come swing a bit more towards me if he wants to hit that home run. Yep, I went there, but seriously he is the hot dog and beer that makes the game! Two men, one who should be wearing black and the other white, as long as they have rip-aways, are present, as they should be in a good mystery. We have all the ingredients for the what is gearing up to be one of the tastiest of mysteries to hit the diamond in a long time!

As usual my normal requirements for a mystery can be applied:

–Keeps me guessing till at least 75% of the way through

YEP sure did, I was totally clueless. The author had so many different distracting things going on that were also making the story, I kept losing track of clues and hints. I was totally taken off guard in the end.

–Characters are endearing and well flashed out.

I think I covered that above, they are more than that. You want to just take a couple of them home and keep them locked up in the.. oh umm you know what I mean. And there are a few you want to lock up too, but not for fun! They jump off the page and are real.

–At the end, there is an OMG moment.

This was one of the reasons the story is not getting a full five star rating. As obvious as it was not what they thought it was, what it turned out to be was so cliché I was disappointed, And Asrielle was still in my lap, there was no s but really where else could you go. The method of delivering the unoriginal was unique so it did not take away to much at all. Since I mention one issue I have with the story I may as well mention one other reason to bring it down a full rating point, the obnoxious label name dropping. I know so many novels these days do this but I find it obnoxious and distracting. It is the Catch-22 rule. Is that Jimmy Choo shoes and matching handbag necessary for the story? Does mentioning each label hanging in the closet or leaking out of a shopping bag going to make or break the tale? Nope! Establishing Paige is who she is, wears what she does is a story design element that cannot be avoided when filling out her character build. After that however, After that occasionally bring it up, as in when Paige is talking, would have been fine, but the continuing repetition of naming fashion labels and dresses with or without, was not. Not enough to ruin it, but enough to make it annoying and bothersome at times.

OH and as for the other team? They so lost in fact it was a forfeit, they never even made an appearance. The editing was spot on and professional, the structure was well played, and as I mentioned she didn’t tell me anything at all about what was going on. I discovered each clue as Cat did. Mystery the way I like it served up, with a side of pie!

I enjoyed this immensely and have bought the first in the series, which is set in Vegas. I cannot wait to be able to tear through my personal TBR in December (my own Christmas present to me, after NaNo I will need it) so I can read it. I recommend this to anyone who likes a good cozy, who likes their cozy with a bit of a bump in the oh-la-la factor and likes a good belly laugh in top of it all. Even if you do not like baseball you will get a dig-out with this book! (OK that was my worst one ever but it is getting towards the end I promise no more really painful puns), and honestly. My love of baseball goes this far:

I really only like it when I am playing for fun, I do not like the game. Their boring to watch ( I would rather watch golf or bowling), I hate how long they can be and frankly standing up and screaming hey battabattabatta gets really old really fast. The only time I have ever enjoyed going to a game is when we go to the local ones here. We have a great league and they serve Frito Pie and Pabst Blue ribbon from a 100 Gallon Plastic Tub full of Ice, in a can, man! That means it is an outing with decent food and wining and dining can actually be applied. The other way I like my baseball, my rubber ducky collection. Otherwise, who cares. So for me to enjoy a book which is centered around the sport? Kind of makes me wish for spring to come around, I can almost taste that Frito Pie…

SO I am giving this a solid four BALLS, a nice casual walk AKA read which is a whole lot of fun and where the author has masterfully managed to keep me completely in the dark about what was going to come next for at least 75% of the book!

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